The Winning Crown

I found this great poem and I thought it was really cute and I thought I would share with you all. I am starting another new adventure and I am scary nervous about it. Sometimes being scared is the best motivation however.

It's not the title, nor the crown that counts.
It's not the weight that's lost that really amounts.
It's not the makeup design, or the gown that you wear,
Or the shape of your build or the length of your hair.
You see, the growth of a Queen is all done inside.
It's nothing support hose or makeup can hide.
The real preparation is done in the mind
It's leaving your fears and faults behind.
It's lifting your soul to a place that's far seen
It's molding a woman to the height of a Queen.
It's hard and it's work, it's not easily done
But when it's over, you'll know who has won.
When the pageant is through and the lights are turned down,
You'll know you're a winner and you'll have your crown.
You see, all crowns are different, it's really an art.
Yours can be rhinestones or the growth of the heart.

You know you're a pageant girl when...

This list was posted on a message board and I thought it was too funny not to share

You know the difference between a crown and a tiara.

When you watch a coronation on television, you can guess the diameter and height of the crown.

You have 10 crowns collecting dust in the attic, and 30 more in a glass showcase in your living room.

You own 2 pairs of taupe leather pumps.

You have won a swimsuit competition thanks to glue.

You think 5-inch acrylic heels go with everything.

You always stand in model stance, aka, the model "T".

Your coach has never caught a football. But they sure do know how to train winners and pick them from the start!

Your body was designed by Mike.

You have every issue of Pageantry magazine, but have never bought a single copy.

Diet Coke is the breakfast of champions.

You watch a televised pageant and have the winner, and all four runner-ups picked from introductions.

You have a platform, but have never stood on it.

You have practiced your "winning reaction" in the mirror.

You paid more for your evening gown than for your car.

You know Bert's last name.

You know the names and home states of the last ten Miss Americas and all Miss Americas' Outstanding Teens

You postponed your wedding due to a pageant.

You do your modeling routine in your sleep.

Your western wear doesn't include jeans.

You consider a week long pageant short.

Your wedding party consisted of fellow contestants.

You have been serenaded on stage by a gay man in a tuxedo.

Your headshot looks like an oil painting.

You have an oil painting... of yourself, in your sash and crown.

You have a runway in your garage.

Your teeth aren't just white, they are porcelain.

You have been winning photo contests since the age of 3.

You have two pairs of breasts... the ones on your body, and the ones in your drawer.

Three suitcases for a vacation is considered "packing light."

You have perfected "elbow, elbow, wrist, wrist, wrist."

You have bought an entire competition wardrobe at a trunk show.

You have been in more parades than Mickey Mouse.

You have an entire scrapbook dedicated to each one of your titles.

You put your hands on top in the winner's circle.

You have seen every pageant movie ever made.

Your Christmas cards are autographed headshots of yourself.

Your hair stylist, dentist, trainer, and coach are on speed dial.

You consider RHINESTONES to be a girl's best friend.

You really do want world peace

Failure

This is probably the one thing we all worry about, however looking back at my life. Fear of failure has been a driving force in my life. It was made me work hard even when I was in the darkest parts of my depression in high school. It what made me figure out a new plan in life as others began to feel impossible to reach.

The problem with failure is while it can be a great motivator; it can also stop you from reaching your real goals. Trying and failing is a lot scarier then really wanting to do something and deciding not to even if you really want to. That isn’t always the easiest thing to admit. There have been a ton of times in life that I have choice the path that was easier then maybe the one I really wanted to take. Sometimes it was because it wasn’t practical, other times because I was just too scared too.

I am currently reading “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle, it spends a lot of the book talking about staying in the present and that worrying about the future or thinking and reliving the past are not good for your soul and to be truly enlighten human being. Fear to him lives in those two areas the past and the future because we can completely control the present but nothing else.

So really have goals but just focus on the next step you must take in front of you and in doing this you will not have the fear of failure in your mind. This is much easier said than done, believe me! This isn’t something that I am even close to being good at or mastering.

Mary Kay Ashe once said she had the bloodies knees in the room because she fell down more times than anyone else to get where she was. While I have no doubt that this is true…doesn’t that scare us all a little bit? The idea how many times you have to try and fail to get what we want. At what point have we fallen enough to know it will never happen? In reality, that is something each person must figure out for themselves. I just read an article that the writer of “The Help” got over 90 rejection letters before someone would pick up her book. Only you know when you are done.

“Life's real failure is when you do not realize how close you were to success when you gave up.”

Stay

I have been a horrible blogger as of late and I promise I will catch you all up on all the amazing things that have been going on as of late. However I have to take a short break and talk about this perfect summer read I was lucky enough to come across. Stay is a book by a local Rochester writer name Allie Larkin. It is such an amazing book. In focuses around Savannah “Van” Leone who finds herself a maid of honor in her best friend Janie’s wedding, but instead of celebrating, Van is mourning because Janie’s new husband is the man who Van has been secretly in love with for years, ever since they meet on the first day of college classes at U of R. After the wedding, Van retreats to her condo and gets steadily drunk on vodka and cool-aid drinks while watching re-runs of Rin Tin Tin. In her alcohol haze, she has a sudden insight into what she needs in her life.

So she does what any 20 something women would do… she sends her credit card number out into cyberspace and purchases a German Shepherd puppy from a breeder in Slovakia. When her Slovakian canine arrives, looking more like a full grown dog than a puppy, Van names him Joe. Van takes Joe to his first veterinarian appointment, and discovers that not only does her new dog have a really nice temperament, but so does the veterinarian named Alex. What follows is a hilarious and heart-warming story about the power of animals to heal emotional wounds and help us move forward after loss. In the book she demonstrates how animals, especially dogs, can heal our deepest wounds.

I loved the character of Van – a young woman who has recently lost her mother to cancer and is trying to find her place in the world. Van is smart, funny, and seems to find herself embroiled in outrageous situations on a daily basis. Her immediate love for Joe reminds me of my own love of animals and how important they have been during my healing processes of losing my mom. My cat, Follow, yes Follow. Was my best friend and gave me so much comfort during the healing process. Somehow animals just know when you are upset and them just being there to hold makes you feel better.

In Stay, Larkin explores women’s friendships (with all the drama, ambivalence, and support they bring), along with love, loss and identity. Her characters are real and genuine, and Larkin writes with an honesty which is refreshing. This is the success of the book how amazing the characters are depicted. Larkin is as authentic as her characters, and clearly knows how to spin a plot to pull the reader in. I loved watching Van work through her emotions with Joe at her side. I also loved the fact the book was set in Rochester and has at points reminds me of things I do every day, at one point Peter is on the phone and is talking about the University Ave Wegmans…aka my Wegmans!!!

Stay is an enjoyable and well written debut novel which will appeal to those readers who love women’s fiction, and also a great and perfect book for all of us 20 somethings in the world. I am soo looking forward to what Larkin will write about in the future. I am highly recommended this book to anyone!!!!!.

PS as a side note she will be signing books in Batavia, NY at Present Tense Bookstore on Wednesday, August 31^st at 6 PM.

Even as I am writing this I am struggling with the whole idea of this. Honesty is something that I have try to keep at the forefront of this blog. However sometimes we go through things that are hard to share with anyone even ourselves. I am a huge fan of Celebrate Rehab, in part because it gives me away to come to terms with my own mother’s addiction. One of the biggest issues I had growing up was feeling like I was the only person in the world going through what I was going through.

My mother’s disease affected me deeply, as addiction does affect the entire family unit that tries to survive around it. My family was no different and my roller coaster with dealing with my mother’s addiction was no different. It’s a hard balance to strike recognizing the addiction and its power and control and also knowing how much my mother loved me.

However, like anyone I have my own issues. While dealing and coming to terms with everything else was going on I went through a very horrible awkward phase during school. It was hard to make friends for me because I was very shy and would withdraw easily. Dealing with my learning disability only added to all the problems. As if I didn’t feel like enough of a freak, I could hardly spell anything and reading out loud horrified me because I would come to a number of words I didn’t know.

The one place I wasn’t like this was in music, art and theater. When I was doing something involving one of these areas, I just came alive. It’s amazing how great it can feel to get to be another person for a little period. To get lost in the music or getting lost in what you are working on. I have always used dissociation, sometimes in a proactive positive way. I would go to dance and get lost in the music or be in a play and just lost myself in becoming someone else.

However there are times when this has been a not proactive way, it isn’t something that I have complete control over, nor is it really when not proactive is a positive way of dealing with issues. There are times that I completely shut down and that I am complete separated from my body. It’s scary and worries me a lot. We are having problems and as we try to grow in our twenties you have to deal with these negative ways of dealing with things, because as you get older your problems become greater and harder to deal with. Sometimes the ways you use to deal with things don’t work anymore.

With a lot of this being at the front of my thinking lately, I have been trying to come up with new ways to motivate myself and also get myself in a better place. Being busy has always been important to me however lately being busy as caused me to be exhausted and unable to focus. I love having a million things going on however it’s impossible to do everything when you are being pulled in every direction and you are just trying to play caught up.

So once again I start a new journey in my life trying to find that balance and the happiest life I can. With this new chapter I thought this song was slightly fitting

Mother's Gift

I have been thinking about mothers a lot lately. There are a number of reasons for this in part but not limited to their being new information on my own Mother’s case, a number of my friends and family members having babies or starting to prepare to have babies. Mothers are so important in our development and looking back I am so grateful for my mother.

She wasn’t perfect but no person is, however she taught me so many important lessons. And if there was one above all that I would have to say is the most important is how deep her love for me was. No matter what I know my mother loves me from the top of her head to the tip of her toe.

As I have gotten older I have always worried if I would be a good mom. Would I have the instincts and know what to do. I guess everyone person wonders about this. There isn’t a reset button to being a parent or in how you raise your children. And I of all people know that your children are the legacy you leave behind far after you are gone.

This past weekend, while I didn’t become a parent I took on another different responsibility, I became a godmother….and sorry fans of the Godfather movies, us women are to be feared far more any man. With how busy my schedule as been since school ended I was very grateful to be able to make some time over the weekend to spend with Malena, Sophia and their Mommy my amazing cousin Marie. And if that wasn’t enough reason to get excited I also got to see Dylan, Olivia and my equally amazing cousin Jennifer. Of course my whole weekend couldn’t be cleared but I got to spent with them between Relay for Life and East End Festival.

Sunday was the very big important day! I must say Malena was an amazing sport with the baptism. Imagine being a little baby and having a whole bunch of people look at your while some men you don’t know that while puts stuff on your head and pours water on it....I might have been a little scared. However she did amazing and I so proud of her, I was even prouder later in the day when I was able to hold her for a long time without her crying.

As much as I still worry about if I will be a good mommy, I also can ask for a better group of role models to have around me and to call on with question. I was already able to master the bounce and rock with a little help from Marie and Jennifer. Being a mom is the most important job I think I will ever have in my life, right after being the best godmother and cousin of course.

At Olivia and Dylan's First Baseball game

Godparents

Girls just want to have fun...and cupcakes