Part of the purpose of this blog was to talk about things going on in my life and also offer advice to those going through things I have went through. I have made it a person mission in my life to share my wisdom and what I have learn. I also believe that you can learn something from every situation. The purpose behind everything you go through is to grow and become a better, stronger person.
I am at the age where many of my friends and family members are getting married and entering a new phase of their life. However I also remember a very wise singing coach of my in high school saying that sometimes you kiss a few frogs before you find that right person. She had been engaged to someone before she met and married her wonderful husband.
For those of you who have known me awhile knows I was engaged and it didn’t work out. It was one of the hardest things I have ever had to go through in my adult life. I felt like a complete failure, I felt like a completely unworthy person. The journey back in very long and hard but it will get easier. Here are some tips if you are going through this very hard process. There is always a light at the end of the tunnel and always a lesson you can learn from it.
Number one thing I learned?
1 Realize that no matter what led to this event, you remain a good and worthy person. For whatever reason, it is an outcome that has forced you to see a different future. And while right now it is hard to see a path ahead, there is one, and likely it is one that includes the right person coming along when the time is right. Do not begin to think that you are never going to find someone "as good as him/her" again. You will, it just doesn't seem like that right now. And resist the temptation to find yourself unworthy in any respect. It is a situation of two people not working out rather than you as an individual not working out.
2 Remove reminders. Anything that reminds you of your ex-fiancé needs to leave your surroundings. This is important so that you can move on and let go. That means either throwing it away (if you cannot bring yourself to return it) or putting it in a box out of the way. Get someone else to return items of value and sentimental interest to your ex-fiancé if you cannot face seeing him or her right now; this is kinder than junking it. Be the strong one. For me, everything in my apartment reminded me of the broke relationship because we had brought it all together. I had to make new memoires there and also I went through a cleansing of it to make it a new space all mine.
3 Let out your emotions. Cry if you see fit and perhaps wallow in your sorrows for a few days. It is OK to feel rotten; this is life-dashing stuff you are experiencing. However, set yourself a deadline to pull yourself up and get ready to make a new life for yourself. Every ending has a new beginning, that is the way of life, the world and the universe. Also something else that help me was I gave myself a end date, I said after three months I had to start wearing make up again and get ready in the morning. It sounds silly but it was part of taking care of me but also lifting my mood everyday.
4 Let others know. After you have a good grip on yourself, inform anybody that was aware of the wedding (if a date had been set) that one will no longer be held. The sooner this is done, the better, so that airfares can be redeemed, accommodations canceled and gifts returned. If you already have gifts, be sure to send them back promptly with a kind "thank you" message.
5 Spend time with people who care about you. Go and spend time with friends and family to get your mind off your broken engagement. You need to be around people who support, love, and cherish you right now. And you never know, during times like these, you often find one person who has been through just what you're going through right now. Let them reach out to you; they'll have good advice to share, as well as being living proof you'll get through fine.
6 Take that honeymoon. Even if you hadn't yet booked one, it is a really super idea to grab a friend or even go it alone and take a break somewhere away from your hometown. Go and do something different, something wild, something unique. The difference will do you a lot of good. And while you're away, remember to relax and totally pamper yourself. If you want that gold bracelet and triple decker chocolate ice cream, now is not a time for holding back. For me some of the best things I did was go on a mission trip right after the break up and also going on Mary Kay trips with some great supportive girl friends.
7 Learn, forgive and grow. An engagement is made of two people. Trying to see fault on either side is a situation that will feed resentment and hold you back. You might want to see him or her as being at fault but it is more likely that both of you saw signs along the way but chose to plow on regardless. Analyze a little but don't over-analyze. Accept that both of you might have done things differently but that perhaps this is a sign that it was not going to be a match made in heaven and it is better to know now than later. Be grateful you have had the experience, wish the other side well, and work on letting your forgiveness override blaming either yourself or the other party.
- Watch out for the rebound. If you are really emotionally fragile, steer clear of intimate relationships for a while until you are stronger and your judgment is no longer clouded.
- Do not be embarrassed that your engagement has ended. It is a time of celebration. Think about the results if you had married this person and later on the incompatibilities caused divorce-worthy rifts?
- Take care of yourself but also consider others. To stop yourself wallowing too much, get involved in volunteering - you'll see there are many people with hardships and yours is but one. Although a significant setback, a broken engagement is not a reason to give up on living life to your best ability.
No comments:
Post a Comment