Gotta Give it your best

“Didn’t you ever watch your mom put on makeup?”

This seems like such a silly line yet it is amazing how some things hit close to home. I use to love watching my mom put makeup on. My mom always loved putting makeup on and it was weird how much of an art form it really was. I have always since then loved makeup, which would make sense now that I a brand of makeup that has the top selling lipstick last year.

I went to see Burlesque tonight; I have to say it was an amazing movie!!!! The dancing and singing were awesome. It reminded me a lot about dreams. Dreams are so funny a lot of times some seem really silly and other times they are a huge driving force. When I was younger my dream was to always be a performer that let way to wanting to study and work in law and transformed again to want to work in government or nonprofit work. I think the most important thing is to be open to what your heart is telling you.

Sometimes it is really hard to do this; it was hard for me to decide to change the direction of my life three month from graduating high school. It’s still hard to know if I followed right path in life. Life is truly about the journey and I can only hope and pray that I am on this journey for a reason.

“She wants a big life”

This is a line from Bones and it’s so true for me. I do and sometimes I think I am selfish for wanting more out of life. But I guess that is what we all do and try to do. It isn’t selfish, it is drive. It’s important and try to make the most out of your life. My biggest fear is falling short of what I want to do, but from another great movie “never let the fear of striking out stop you from playing the game.”And so it now time to do what is best for me, the question is what is that?

Hit it up, get it up

Wont let you rest
Hit it up, get it up
This is not a test
Hit it up, get it up
Gotta give me your best
So get your ass up
Show me how you burlesque

Promise Me Anything

I have a deep love for Annette Joanne Funicello. It seems odd because I wasn’t alive during the height of her popularity; however my legal guardian has been a huge fan of her since the mouse year days. On top of that her and my legal guardian share fighting the same disease. They both suffer from MS or Multiple sclerosis which is a disease that causes brain and spinal cord are damage. Almost any neurological symptom can appear with the disease, and often progresses to physical and cognitive disability. MS takes several forms, with new symptoms occurring either in discrete attacks (relapsing forms) or slowly accumulating over time (progressive forms). Between attacks, symptoms may go away completely, but permanent neurological problems often occur, especially as the disease advances. There is no known cure for MS. Treatments attempt to return function after an attack, prevent new attacks, and prevent disability. Symptoms included numbness; loss of balance and loss of memory are some among a lot of others.

In my guardian’s cause she suffers from relapsing form, at one point she was unable to walk for several days before regaining her ability. Multiple sclerosis can be difficult to diagnose since its signs and symptoms may be similar to other medical problems. In Annette’s case her lost of balance was blamed by many in the public as a result of alcoholism, this was when she chose to go public with her condition.
November was National Caregivers Month and MS is a disease that requires amazing care givers who are will to go above and beyond. MS is a horrible, tough disease that takes away people’s quality of life and it has personally effect my life for many years.

With Thanksgiving coming up, I have so much to be thankful for personally one of them is that my legal guardian can still walk. I know so many families that have a person suffering with MS cannot say that and or live like I do grateful for everyday she wakes up and walks around.

My Legal Guardian and I

Why I volunteer?

This seems like a silly question, yet there are tons of answers to this question. For me why I chose to volunteer comes down to something very simple. Many people volunteer with underprivileged youth, and I use to be one of them. I volunteer because I was a kid and my family was in a position that we used many of the service that asks for volunteers.

Growing up I had a learning disability in reading and in speech and my family was on welfare. I can remember going to the food pantries to pick out food and I can remember being on Medicaid. Why do I remember Medicaid? Because the glasses were so horrible, they really need better frames for kids on that program. But I was the kid that was flagged to no finish high school. My learning disability was so bad that it was hard from me to communicate and frustrating to boot. Where I could hear and put things together quickly I was unable to put it in writing. This made everything much harder on me because if you know anything about how standardize test works, reading and writing are huge parts of them.

This made school hard, but it got harder. I had the death of my brother when I was five followed by my mother’s death at the age of seven. Both were violent crimes and my mom’s case was never solved. They were both highly talked about and written about in my small town. This made it very easy to spot who I was, my mother’s death combine with my learning disability made school very hard for me. I hated school and hated going, I can remember nights sitting in my room crying because I couldn’t do my homework.

Schools had at this time start to focus earlier and earlier on careers and college, having you research and look into jobs during elementary school. This was hard on me even more because I didn’t know, even at that age, how I was going to make a career when I couldn’t read or write and was hard to understand when I talked. However I was able to shine in other areas, I was in chorus, I did plays and I began dance. But there was something else…

I had amazing people in my life. I had teachers who went above and beyond to help me and encourage me. And I had random people, like the women I talk about in the last post that took an interest in me. It was those random people who went above and beyond that helped me, that kept me going, until I was able to find the courage and belief in myself to push myself. If it wasn’t for those people I would have given up, I don’t know if I would be where I am today.

I am the success story, but I know that I am one of the few and that there are so many out there who had it hard then me and have to fight harder then I could ever imagine. But I know that if I couldn’t have done it alone, I can’t expect others to do it alone either. I volunteer because I know what it is like to feel hopeless and want to give up, and I know how much the smallest act of kindness and of support can mean.

Along Time Ago

There are times I think we are so caught in the motions in life and we don’t really look around. I, truthfully fall into this a lot. As you can see from my last couple of blogs, I have a lot going on. I have always loved to be busy and to be doing a lot of different stuff. While you might thing this leads me to feel I have done a ton of stuff in my life or that I am very proud. I usually don’t have enough time to look back and be proud because I am always moving forward.

I don’t completely think always looking forward is a bad thing. I think that being able to move forward is something that helped me deal with all the death and trauma in my life. I kept pushing forward and trying to get the next goal in life. However the bad part about this is that I am always looking forward and never see what I have already done.

Why am I talking about this? I am joining Zonta International and I have been going to meetings for everyone to get to know me. I have already sign onto helping with a couple different events and I am really enjoying it. But that isn’t want this blog is really about.

Tonight I meet a woman who knew who I was already. This isn’t something that is really that unusually, I have been in the paper a couple of times and also on the radio, either for fair queen or for other events that are going on. But she knew me for something different from when I was a lot younger. This women use to work for Social Services and remember me when I was young.

I haven’t really talked too much about how I grew up. Mostly because that really isn’t the focus of this blog, maybe I will write about it a little more but for now let me just say that my mother had a number of problems with drugs and alcohol that while she loved us very much caused a lot of issues. My mom was the most loving person I know and addiction is a much more complicated that everyone likes to make it out. I could honestly make a blog about it and maybe I will. It just a very hard subject, and truly its one of those things unless you have first hand experience it’s hard to understand it.

Anyways for the propose of this blog let’s just say that I have worked really hard to get where I am today. I don’t way that to be cocky; I say it because that is what this woman told me. She said she could remember me when I was a little girl and remember and really cared about my mom. That she sees me in the paper and all the stuff I do and that she wanted to let me know how proud she was and also what a beautiful young women I have become.

The most important thing to me is being a good representative of my mother.

Goodnight Saigon

Veteran’s Day is here. It’s a very important day that we should all pause and remember that sacrifices that are armed forces have made for us over the years. I am not a big war movie person, if you ask anyone I can’t get through Saving Private Ryan. However one of my favorite musicals is Moving Out which is based on a group of friends and how Vietnam affects them. I am also a huge Billy Joel fan, and all the music in Moving Out is Billy Joel.

One of my favorite songs is Goodnight Saigon. I feel like it is fitting day to listen to it. And sometimes songs have better fitting then all the words I can come up with to say. Only let to say before the song is Thank You.

We met as soul mates
On Parris Island
We left as inmates
From an asylum
And we were sharp
As sharp as knives
And we were so gung-ho to lay down our lives

We came in spastic
Like tameless horses
We left in plastic
As numbered corpses
And we learned fast
To travel light
Our arms were heavy, but our bellies were tight

We had no home front
We had no soft soap
They sent us Playboy
They gave us Bob Hope
We dug in deep
And shot on sight
And prayed to Jesus Christ with all of our might

We had no cameras
To shoot the landscape
We passed the hash pipe
And played our Doors tapes
And it was dark
So dark at night
And we held on to each other, like brother to brother,
We promised our mothers we'd write

And we would all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we would all go down together

Remember Charlie
Remember Baker
They left their childhood
On every acre
And who was wrong?
And who was right?
It didn't matter in the thick of the fight

We held the day
In the palm
Of our hand
They ruled the night
And the night
Seemed to last as long as

Six weeks
On Parris Island
We held the coastline
They held the highlands
And they were sharp
As sharp as knives
They heard the hum of our motors, they counted the rotors
And waited for us to arrive

And we would all go down together
We said we'd all go down together
Yes we would all go down together

White Lines

So there is this song I have always enjoyed called White Lines, which is really about finding your way back to someone. However I think you can look at it another way. Not about finding your way back to another person, but about finding you true self again. That has been the new theme in my life for the month of November, finding the true me and also my passions and drive in life.

What has brought this on? While for one thing it has been along journey to where I am today in my life. So many twist and turns and dead ends that at times it seems hard to believe I am where I am today. But that makes me question, is there where I really want to be and what is my next adventure and goals.

Is there where I want to be? This might seem like a funny question. However I had a mini worry fit this weekend over the fact that I have not started an IRA or emergency fund yet. Life if full of curve balls and the last thing I want is them to stand in my way of where I want to go in life.

That leads to that question, where do I want to go in life? It seems less clear now than it did four years ago that is for sure. That brings me back to reconnect with myself and my passions and goals. I need to refine my purpose. What is that? Purpose is the drive that gets you up in the morning and to your job, other than wanting to keeps your heat on. So to do this goal I am looking inward. Stage one is reading, stage two is going to be taking part in activities to help and finally action on things that will get me closer to my goals.

What has help with this new drive and need to find direction? Mary Kay, while that has always been there. But my desire to move my business forward and upward as made in necessary. We are enter the major gift buying season and I want to make sure I am a good one stop shop for all my friends and families Christmas needs. I am very excited about the Robert Jones event coming up in two days!!! He is a top makeup artist and I can’t wait to learn from a true professional.

In the world of school things are ok, a lot harder than I thought and I am starting to stress about my grades, time to buckle down and do it. I have a couple major projects due coming up and need to set the time aside to do them properly.

The world of AmeriCorps is going good. I have a ton of events and things going on right now. I have the decorating of the Wonderland of Trees next week and the state wide kickoff event the week after. December 3rd is our annual card making event. Also in December I have the 9th grade leadership conference, I was able to work at it two years ago but am excited about helping with the planning a little more and getting involved more this time. Planning for MLK day is going good, it just a lot of work and I am a little over whelmed. But I know I just need to make a check list and a plan and stick with it. Everything I need is there it is just putting it all together in the right order now.

I was able to do two more presentation to high school seniors this week about AmeriCorps. I really enjoy getting to talk about the program and about all the different things I have done through it. It’s kind of crazy to think all the different places and events I have been able to take part it. How many kids I have worked with and all the different programs I have been able to learn about. For the past 3 days I have also been able to work in developing assets in one of the goods that the Youth Bureau helps to fund. It was a great time and I am so happy I was able to work with the youth for the past 3 days.

Will write after the Robert Jones event!!!!! And I promise I will have pictures from it also up.